Burn After Reading
by Snowflake-in-summer
Summary: MWPP 7th year. Sirius Black is putting ink to parchment, Lily is more preoccupied than usual. Owls are flying all over the place. What's going on? These are those mysterious letters. LE and SB become friends. Hinted LE/JP Trying out a new writing style.
1. Chapter 1

_**October 13th 1977 (some time in the evening)**_

_Black,_

_I need your help._

_I have a problem. A big one._

_Can you help me? Please? I'm desperate._

_Tell no one. Not even Remus._

_Infact burn this letter after reading it._

_Sincerely,_

_Lily Evans_

* * *

Miss Evans,

I wish I could pretend that your letter didn't surprise me Evans, but it did. Why on earth are you asking me for help? You have more than enough friends of your own.

Remus and Mary for example. Both of which are superb advise givers. Why do you have to bother me: somebody you've made no effort to hide your dislike for all these years?

However, despite the blatant maltreatment of myself and my dearest friend, I want to know what this big secret problem is. So I'll help.

Shoot.

Curious

Mr Black

* * *

_Black,_

_Firstly, I don't dislike you; I just don't fawn over you like the rest of the school. There's a difference._

_Secondly, I can't tell Mary or Remus for that matter, as they'd drop dead of shock if they knew. I prefer having LIVING friends thank you very much. They'd probably blow this way out of proportion anyway. Trust me it's a big enough as it is._

_You, however, know enough to help me. I'm assuming. Just keep this quiet; I'd rather nobody knew that we were corresponding. It'd ruin my good reputation._

_**- BURN AFTER READING -**_

_L Evans_

* * *

My dearest Evans

Are you suggesting that you don't give a damn if I drop dead of shock or not?

That hurts, hurts me real deep.

I'm mortally offended that you think I'd spread the fact that your writing me letters around. I'd rather James didn't maul me to death. Let alone what it would do to my reputation. I mean you are ginger.

If you're going to risk my life, kindly drop the pompous formality. I can't be doing with the McGonagall-like phrasing outside of a classroom.

So what's the gossip Carrot-top?

S Black

* * *

_Black,_

_What's wrong with gingers!? My hair colour is beautiful._

_And I'm not pompous. I just didn't... oh never mind._

_I actually do care if you drop dead of shock Black. If you do my life will be a lot quieter._

_And perhaps you wouldn't be so sick of "McGonagall- like" phrases if you spent less time in detention?_

_- BURN AFTER READING -_

_Outraged,_

_L.E_

_Head girl of Hogwarts, NOT carrot top_

* * *

**_October 14th 1977 Breakfast_**

Dear Miss I-love my-hair-so much Evans,

May I remind you that:

a) It was YOU that asked ME for help- therefore you should be extra nice to me in your letters

b) You haven't actually told me what this "big impossible problem" is yet- so why do I need to burn all these letters after I read them?

c) There is nothing wrong with gingers in general. They're just overly hot-tempered and burn at the slightest appearance of sunlight

d) You can't deny the above point- you nearly burnt James' eyebrows off last week in DADA

e) I have a limited attention span- tell me what you know!!

Kind regards,

S.B

* * *

**History of Magic**

_S.B_

_I don't know how to express it. I haven't admitted this to anybody before. I haven't even said it out loud. Merlin, this is pathetic. Ok here it goes…_

_Wait first you have to swear not to tell a soul. That's why all my letters have to be destroyed- nobody can ever know._

_I want you to swear on your prowess as a marauder._

_Promise me that if you tell one single person you'll have to give up pranking for life._

_Or quit the Quidditch team._

_Or kiss Bellatrix._

_Or possibly all of the above. Promise?_

_**- BURN AFTER READING -**_

_L.E_

* * *

L.E

You're not demanding at all are you Evans? (note the sarcasm)

But Ok. Not a soul.

I promise. Marauder's honour.

NOW TELL ME!!

Impatiently yours

S.B

* * *

**Very late that evening**

_I think I fancy James_

_L.E_

* * *

Oh.

Hang on…

James?

James _**Potter**?_

_**My** _James Potter?

"Arrogant bullying toe rag" Potter?

Seriously?

Lily are you feeling Ok?

How many of those prank chocolates I left in the common room did you eat?

S.B

* * *

_S.B_

_Yes, James. Understand my predicament?_

_You sent the chocolates? I ate a few- they were addressed to me. Why? What did you do to them?!_

_Scared for her life,_

_L.E _

* * *

James lover Evans,

There's nothing wrong with them. Just a friendly gesture from one James lover to another. They certainly **did not **contain copious amounts of fire whisky. No.

No. I don't understand your predicament.

Do you want to go out with him or not?

S.B

* * *

_S.B_

_Well yes I do want to, but it's more complicated than that._

_I'm **NOT** a James-lover. I just like him._

_And don't you ever spike my confectionary again._

_Hooligan_

**_- BURN AFTER READING -_**

_Lily_

* * *

A/N opinions so far? Review please, more letters to come. Poor owl must be exhausted.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

L.E

Moi? A hooligan? You must have me confused with somebody else. For your information, I'm as angelic as they come. Mostly.

I promise not to spike your confectionary again. Everybody knows that I never repeat a prank.

However, I don't promise that I won't take some form of revenge for you getting me detention. It wasn't even me that started the food fight. That scrawny second year was just feeling lucky and aimed his custard at Mary. I had nothing to do with starting it. I just finished it. No harm, no foul. The gravy will come out of Mary's robes- James' mum taught me a charm to do it last summer.

So there was no reason to involve McGonagall in any of tonight's proceedings. You just like being her favourite.

Kiss arse.

Your irritated marauder,

S.B

* * *

_S.B_

_Sirius Black that was a dirty trick! I did not deserve that. At all._

_You are evil._

_Yet strangely brilliant; remind me to ask you for advice next time I want to pull a prank. But hey: anything you can do…._

_I suppose I'd better get back to my charms essay- you should do your homework too for once. You know how annoyed Flitwick gets._

_Burn after reading _

_Scheming,_

_L.E_

* * *

L.E

You're right Evans: I am brilliant. My talents are wasted at Hogwarts ;)

Shame you'll never utilise them. "Remind me to ask you for advice next time I want to pull a prank" Ha! Evans you're far too good a prefect to ever pull a prank! It'll never happen. Neither will me doing my charms essay.

But would you really come to me for advice? I feel special.

I'm like one of those people you write to in muggle magazines, what are they called? Agony aunts?

Does that make me your agony uncle?

Enjoy your charms homework.

Goody-goody

S.B

* * *

_Dear Aunty Sirius,_

_You **are** special, **very** special. Remind me to pat your shoulder patronisingly next time I see you._

_How do you know about what's in muggle-girl's magazines?_

_I worry about you sometimes, I really do._

_I do too pull pranks- you just don't know it's me._

_How did your detention go? I told you that you should do your charms for once!_

_Not at all smug,_

_L.E_

_P.S. Burn after reading_

* * *

L.E

No need to pat me- I can feel the patronising touch from here thanks. Detention was awful. I don't wish to discuss the punishment Flitwick assigned me to.

Surely I should be "Uncle" Sirius, not your "Aunty" Sirius. I am not a girl Evans; I can prove it if you like. Although I don't think James would be too impressed.

Speaking of James; what are you intending to do about your "little problem"?

Not believing that you are "not at all smug",

Possibly psychologically scarred,

S.B

* * *

_Aunty (yes aunty) Sirius,_

_I still have no idea what to do!_

_But I have no time to think about it- when did we get so much homework?!_

_Then I have to do head rounds, supervise the prefect briefing, eat, sleep, diet, copy up all my rough notes, replicate said notes for Mary, check on Mary, have a life…._

_So yeah, I HAVE NO TIME! So I'm going to rely on you to decide for me. What's your advise oh great wise agony aunty? I mean uncle…_

_I'd better go and check on Mary- she felt awful this morning._

_As always, burn after reading,_

_Busy,_

_L.E_

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Mr (yes, Mr- ha! two can play at this game) L Evans,

I have decided that, in your own undoubtedly manly way, you need to tell him how you feel. If fact, how did you not think of that?

You need to tell him: soon.

Or better still, can I tell him?

Can I tell Remus too? He'll love this! Then he can tell Peter. Sorted.

Say hi to Mary for me.

Excited

Aunty S

* * *

_Dear SB _

_NOOOOOOOOOO!_

_No you can not tell Remus. _

_You can not tell James._

_You can not tell Peter._

_You must not tell anybody, understand? _

_NO ONE_

_Because if you do I'll hunt you down, hex you into oblivion, shave your head and slowly and painfully cut off you manly parts. Then you really will be Aunty Sirius. _

_Got it? _

_BAR_

_Best wishes _

_L.E _

* * *

L.E

Fine, I won't say anything to anybody. Just keep away from my… area.

Gees you're tetchy when you're writing!

Just say yes to him next time he asks you out.

Hoping for a friendlier reply

S.B

P.S. I can only assume that B.A.R stands for "burn after reading". Honestly I think I've got the idea by now Evans- you want this kept secret.

* * *

_S.B _

_Sorry for the ill veiled threat in my last letter, but I had to portray how much I didn't want you to tell anybody extremely clearly. You have to admit it was effective._

_And B.A.R does stand for Burn after reading. So make sure you do. _

_I can see a slight issue in your "just say yes next time he asks you out" plan: he hasn't asked me on a date in weeks. He must have lost interest. Looks like I was just a conquest after all. _

_Thanks for the help Black, but I doubt I'll need it anymore. _

_B.A.R _

_Slightly depressed _

_L.E_

* * *

**At Dinner**

Lily,

You're no conquest, trust me. He's more than still interested.

Still have loads of questions to ask you about pretty much everything but you seem to have loads on your plate right now. Metaphorically not literally. Your actual plate is half empty Evans. You should eat more before you waste away, understand me?

Hope Mary feels better soon; I miss our chats in muggle studies!

I've got notes you can give her, save you a job.

Trying to be helpful,

Sirius

* * *

S

_You can be really sweet when you want to you know that? _

_You take notes?! Wow. You really do learn something new everyday._

_Mary is starting to feel better- thank goodness. She laughed when I asked her about your "muggle-studies chats". I can only take that as a good sign. _

_B.A.R _

_Promising to eat more, _

_Lily _

* * *

L

Of course I take notes, I just do it slyly that's all. I have a bad reputation to maintain you know ;)

Glad Mary's nearly better- did she enjoy the Quidditch match today? I saw you both ogling James during the first half- you are SO unsly Lily!

Not laughing, honest,

S

* * *

_S_

_Yes we did enjoy the match; despite the mud, rain and cold._

_I'm told by Remus that you made an "incredibly impressive" dodge at some point. Whatever that means. So congratulations J _

_Shame you couldn't keep your eyes off Marlene long enough to dodge that last bludger though. Idiot._

_B.A.R_

_Sympathetic, honestly, _

_L_

_P.S hope you head isn't too sore. I wouldn't want my favourite agony uncle to be in pain (:_

* * *

L

You called me your agony uncle. That's so sweet. And my head isn't too sore; the blood's just left my hair a little matted…

Oh. My. God. I'm actually turning into a girl.

This is all your fault Evans, you and your girly "oh my life is so hard" business.

We'd better get this all sorted soon, before I start using face packs, or painting my nails.

You need to talk to James.

And just for future reference: I wasn't staring at Marlene.

Terrified and a little hormonal

S

* * *

_S _

_I do talk to James. I spoke to him on three different occasions today, thank you very much. _

_I reckon a pearly nail varnish would suit you first, possibly working up to full out pink toe nails? Maybe?_

_BAR _

_L_

* * *

L

That's not at all amusing. And stop changing the subject!

Yes, you have spoken to him three times today:

1)To tell him off for hexing Snape outside potions

2)To tell him to shut up in transfiguration

3)To borrow a quill

The third occasion was the only civil thing you said to him all day.

EVEN THAT'S NOT TALKING!!

Please just make conversation with him whilst you do prefect rounds or something.

It can't be that difficult surely.

Wishing you luck with your prefect's meeting

S

* * *

_S _

_It is that difficult. I've spent the last six years screaming at him to go away: a rather difficult habit to break. _

_Help me? _

_Prefects are so self-important! I was never like that was I? _

_BAR_

_L_

* * *

L

Yes you were. And still are actually.

Affectionately yours

S

* * *

**Late Saturday night**

L.E

Please don't be angry, but there is a slight problem with me keeping out letters a secret. I suppose I'd better tell you before he does.

You see, despite the frequent appearance of "burn after reading", I haven't destroyed a single one of your letters. Instead I have kept them safely under lock, key, booby-trap and password since the beginning. Unfortunately, however, Remus appears to know how to get past every single one of these obstacles and found out all my passwords back in fourth year. He therefore has been reading every last one of your replies and moreover knows exactly why we started conversing in the first place.

Don't panic: he's promised not to tell a soul. Not even Peter will see the smallest part of a word of any of those letters. They have been suitably dealt with.

Incredibly sorry. Please don't kill me. Or hate me. Or chop off my dangly bits- I'm a bit attached to those.

Your undoubtedly soon to be dead friend,

Sirius

* * *

**2 minutes later...**

**Lily,**

**As Sirius has probably told you, I now know that you fancy James.**

**All I can say about that is:**

**ABOUT BLOODY TIME!**

**Right, now that that's over and done with…**

**I am of course disappointed that you didn't feel comfortable enough to speak to me regarding this matter but I can understand it. I admit that I probably would have made a mountain out of a tall, James Potter sized molehill. I therefore don't wish to interfere too much now. I'll just help to advise you (through Sirius) if that's alright.**

**I just want to make it clear, before you kill him, that Sirius did everything he could to stop me finding out. I was just a little bit too good for him. Although don't let on that I said that. So don't be too hard on him. It really wasn't his fault. I hope you are not too angry with him; or me for that matter. There is a bright side to this situation- you now get a second, perhaps somewhat more mature, opinion J**

**Firstly may I suggest a different route of communication? Owl post is a little obvious. The sheer number of owls flying between the two of you has set off rumours that you and Sirius are dating secretly. James isn't happy. Perhaps actually talking would be better?**

**Your friend**

**Remus**

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all that have reviewed! Any suggestions for Lily's reaction?


	4. Chapter 4

**Two minutes after Remus' letter**

_S_

_YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!?_

_YOU !#"£ %£&#*_

_I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY BLACK. _

_Love Lily_

* * *

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

I'll fix it, just please don't kill me- James won't like it much.

S x

* * *

Moony you prat,

You told her. I told you not to tell her. Now she's going to kill me. Slowly AND painfully. I hope you're happy now wolf boy.

Help?!

Padfoot

* * *

**Padfoot,**

**Where are you? We're a little bit worried that you didn't come back to the dormitory yesterday. Are you alive? Please say that you are. I'm worried. You're not on the map or anything. Please write back. Surely Lily hasn't killed you yet? She's too good a prefect. Right?**

**Moony**

**

* * *

**

**From a secret location, at a time far too early to be up on a Sunday**

Moony,

Word to the wise werewolf, I was in hiding. Evans knows which one my bed is. She could have tried to kill me in my sleep so I decided to go to that vanishing room we found last month. Best night sleep of my life. I'm so hungry now though.

See you at breakfast,

Padfoot

**

* * *

**

Breakfast

_Black,_

_You are blatantly the arrogant git that I took you for in first year. Next time I tell you to do something, DO IT. Clear? Good._

_I suppose it isn't really your fault. I mean it was me that trusted you with something so sensitive. I couldn't tell you what came over me; perhaps it was those spiked chocolates you sent me. Hmmm…._

_Don't worry; I'm not actually going to kill you. Yet._

_But that's only because, despite your ridiculous mistake, James doesn't know. I'll just have to think of an interesting punishment for your inevitable stupidity._

_I'd watch your back if I was you Sirius. Burn after reading, I suggest you actually do it this time!_

_Enjoy your meal_

_L. Evans_

_

* * *

_

_Remus,_

_Good Merlin, what do I say to you?_

_I had no idea that you had such little respect for other people's privacy Mr Lupin. Although on some strange level I'm quite relieved that you discovered my secret._

_A secret that I hope will stay just that: secret. I'm sure that, after reading my letters to Black, you are aware of the threat I made concerning his genitals should he tell anybody. I'm afraid that that promise also applies to you._

_Burn after reading_

_Respectfully yours_

_Lily_

_P.S. I can't be seen talking to Sirius Black! Owls are just going to have to do._

**

* * *

**

**Passing notes: Charms **

**Padfoot,**

**Was that your stomach?!**

**Moony**

* * *

M

Yep. I didn't eat breakfast just incase Evans had spiked it. You read her letter.

P

**

* * *

**

P

**I think she's calmed down a bit now, you should be safe at lunch.**

**M**

* * *

M

I'm soooooo hungry!

P

**

* * *

**

P

**Only 10 minutes until lunch :)**

**M**

* * *

But I'm hungry now!

P

**

* * *

**

Shut up Padfoot, Flitwick's watching.

**M**

* * *

How can I shut up? We're passing notes

P

* * *

The marauders sat down eagerly at the Gryffindor table. Sirius piled his lunch onto his plate generously, determined to make up for the meal he had missed that morning. He grabbed his spoon aiming to finish his soup as quickly as possible when and owl dropped a letter into it with a huge SPLASH! Wiping the hot liquid from his face he ripped open the letter:

_SB_

_Just a letter to remind you to watch yourself. But you don't need togo out of your way to avoid me, Sirius. _

_Enjoy your soup_

_L_

Sirius raided his eyebrows and surveyed the spoon that had almost touched his lips critically. It didn't look dangerous, on the contrary it both looked and smelt as delicious as always. But it was batter to be safe than sorry.

"She's bluffing right?" Sirius asked passing the note to Remus.

"Unless she wants you to believe that she's bluffing" he countered, his brow furrowing in concern.

"Better give the soup a miss today then. I only really wanted the bread anyway"

He picked up the roll that lay next to his bowl, biting off a large chunk.

"Bleugh!" he mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"What is it?" Remus exclaimed, examining the food for traces of poison.

"Tastes awful"

"Let me try a bit" Remus popped a small piece into his mouth, swallowing the foul tasting substance quickly. The marauders may have been rebellious, but they all at least had the manners not to spit food out at the table.

"Weird" he murmured turning to look at Sirius.

The sure look of horror that overcame both their faces was enough to tell each other that something weird was most definitely occurring. Huge, bulging boils were bubbling up on their faces. Sirius' beloved hair was beginning to stick up on end, a shocking pink replacing its usual raven black. Remus' nose was now double its usual size, a gigantic orange handlebar moustache protruding from his upper lip. They stared at each other for a moment, not even noticing the shocked laughter that had erupted from the rest of the great hall. It only took them a moment to gather their resolve once more, their collective shock, amusement and anger allowing them to only speak one word:

"Evans!"

* * *

_My beautiful Marauders,_

_I hope you've both learnt a valuable lesson today. I don't mean the fact that Remus really doesn't suit orange._

_And you said that I'd never pull a prank. You underestimate me Black._

_L_

* * *

L

I'm beginning to see what James sees in you. Remus says that he isn't talking to you anymore by the way. It's only because his nose still hasn't shrunk back properly.

S

_

* * *

_

S

_Tell him that I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to affect him. Although it was amusing. I've missed pranking. BAR_

_Lil_

* * *

Lils,

Wait you've done this before?!

Shocked and appalled you hypocrite.

I've attatched something to make our "correspondance", your word not mine, a little less obvious.

Love

Sirius

* * *

**A/N: Finally a way to spare those poor owls before the RSPCA arrest me for cruelty to animals. **

**Sorry it's taken so long to update guys, sixth form is manic! Promise to fit in some more writing time intomy week. As long as you let me know you want it of course ;) Hope you're enjoying so far. Thanks to all of those who have reviewed (I love you all) and to D. Taggert for the story alert. You all make my day!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Dedicated to: The Lime-Wielding ninja for your incredible pen name and the fantastic repeat reviews. **

* * *

_Sirius,_

_I am not a hypocrite! I tell you that we're too old to prank because WE ARE._

_Of course I've done that sort of thing before, not to such an extent, but the principle is roughly the same. Who else do you think charmed Dumbledore's socks to dance all over the staff table in 3rd year?_

_Mr Black, why have you sent me a piece of blank parchment? It's hardly an amazing piece of technology. Or is it? Intrigued beyond belief…_

**_B.A.R_**

_Lily_

_P.S. Has Remus forgiven me yet?_

* * *

Lily,

Ummm, well, ummm….

I honourably decline to pass judgement on your enquiry concerning Mr Lupin.

*smiles sweetly*

Lily, why in the name of Merlin's sweaty Quidditch robes would I send you a blank piece of parchment? Of course it's special! I sent it.

That "amazing piece of technology" is enchanted. You have one piece and I have another. If you write on it, it appears on my parchment and vice versa. Clever, eh? I'm not just a pretty face you know. Just like you not being half as innocent as you seem.

Hmmm

S

* * *

_Sirius,_

_No, I didn't know that you weren't just a pretty face. I didn't even know that you had a pretty face Sirius._

_However, I'll admit that your idea is ingenious. It should stop the owls drawing attention to us. Perfect. I'd hug you but it would seem really odd for Lily Evans to show affection to any one of the marauders. So I'll send you a virtual one for your streak of excellence. I can see what McGonagall sees in you now._

_B.A.R_

_Impressed_

_Lily_

* * *

Lily,

What McGonagall sees in me? What are you on about woman?

I thank you for the hug. And I also agree that it would seem odd for someone that appears to hate me to run up and hug me. Also, I'd rather not be impaled by an angry quidditch player with dodgy spectacles. So yes, very well thought out Evans 

Sirius

* * *

_Siri,_

_Everybody knows that she has a soft spot for the four of you, well maybe not Peter so much, but definitely the rest of you. Maybe it's because you're so good at transfiguration. I don't know. All I know is that she's let you off without reporting you to Dumbledore on loads of occasions._

_I don't hate you Sirius. You're my favourite agony aunt! I mean uncle… yes, uncle. Seriously though Sirius, hehehe I just spotted the pun there, I've come to think of you as a friend recently. I like writing to you._

_B.A.R_

_Your sort of friend_

_Lily_

* * *

Lily-flower,

I'm touched, I really am. I guess we are kind of friends now. I look forward to your witty replies. I honestly never realised how sharp your tongue, or quill, was before now.

I still don't buy the McGonagall rubbish though. Minnie let me off with anything? I don't think so!

Oh, and please don't call me Siri'.

Friendly greetings

Sirius

* * *

_Siri**US** (is that better?),_

_Is it true that James asked Dorcas in 6th year to the next Hogsmeade trip? Is he really going with her? Why? I thought you said that he still liked me?_

_What the hell?_

_B.A.R, or just wipe clean- can you do that on this parchment thingy?_

_Confused, by boys not by the parchment. Although this parchment stuff does send my mind whirling…_

_Lil_

* * *

Lily,

I'm so sorry. James is being a prat. I'm sure he still likes you. Remus agrees but is still refusing to send you anything himself. You have to credit him for his ability to hold a grudge. We're both refusing to speak to him if that makes you feel any better. Peter still doesn't understand why. But then again does he ever?

And before you say anything, I won't say a word to him about this.

So, yeah, it's just something he needs to get out of his system. Nothing to worry about. A minor blip. A slight anomaly. A fingerprint on the glass window that is your life. A skid mark on the knickers of love and discovery….

And I'm going to stop there before my metaphors get any weirder.

Cheer up chuck

Love

Sirius, and Remus by default

* * *

A few days later…

_S_

_Urghhhh! That boy! No, that girl! Oh I don't know, just urghhhh!!!_

_They won't stop being all gooey and mushy ALL the time. I mean I can't even talk to him about head duties anymore. He's always too busy attaching himself to her face! It's vile. Can't they just do it in private? Away from me: away from anybody? Infact why can't he just not do it with her at all? Why not do it with me?_

_Mary's told me that I'm overacting. She doesn't get why I'm so upset._

_"Bleugh"… ("your word, not mine" :P)_

_L_

* * *

L

Ahhhhh! There's a green eyed monster!

Oh, no, wait: that's you.

Love

S

* * *

_S_

_You're not funny_

_L_

* * *

L

Au contraire ma copine, I am in fact very funny.

But you needn't worry Lils, it won't last long.

S

* * *

_S_

_What won't last long- James' relationship or you being funny?_

_Love_

_L_

* * *

L

Oh, would you look who decided to grow a sense of humour?

I was of course talking about James and Dorcas. She doesn't stay with guys for too long. She's a bit like a female version of what I used to be. Generally, a bit of a slag. And James isn't in the state of mind to commit to anything at the moment. Mostly due to the fact that he's still madly in love with you.

Stop panicking worry wart

Love

S

* * *

_S_

_I'm not worrying, in fact I don't care. Did you just call me a worry wart?_

_When did you stop being a man-whore extroadinaire? I just realised that you haven't been out with anybody this term. Are you feeling ok?_

_Check your temperature for me; it'll save me having to think of a sly way to do it myself._

_L_

* * *

Lily,

I feel fine. And Remus says that my temperature is normal. AND that I'm very funny.

I just haven't wanted to go out with random girls this term, is all. Just one. And she's way out of my league. My god here we go again with the girly love stuff again. I'm going to go and play Quidditch. Come and watch practise if you want; you may learn something.

Honestly I'm completely well matron

S

* * *

_SB,_

_Sirius Black are you actually growing up?!_

_Oh sweet Godric the world is going to end!_

_Who's the lucky girl then? Hmmm? Is it Marlene? You were staring at her at the last Quidditch match weren't you? Oh my god you like Marlene! But she's not out of your league. What are you on about?_

_Enjoy your Quidditch Mr Maturity 1978, I'm going to stay inside where it's not raining._

_Love_

_Lily_

* * *

Lils,

Hah! It is raining inside now!

No, I don't fancy Marlene you dimwit. I've told you before; it wasn't her that I was staring at.

Keep guessing Miss Marple (that's the muggle detective right?)

Or even better: just drop it and go and talk to James. Okay?

Love

Sirius

* * *

_Sirius,_

_Wow you're touchy about this. Angsty much? _

_Ypu didn't need to get me wet! I was qiute innocently showing concern for a frind. I could help- a girl's perspective and all that._

_And would you mind cutting out the insults in you letters! So far you've called me:_

_1) Carrot top_

_2) Worry wart_

_3) Dimwit_

_4) Hypocrite_

_5) Miss Marple- she's really OLD. I'm not!_

_I'm going to figure out who you like Black. _

_You're a muppet by the way._

_Love_

_Lily_

* * *

L

Oh no you won't.

And you're a plonker dear Lilykins.

S

* * *

_S_

_So, you were staring in our directing at the match. Who was around? Peter, Remus, Hailey, me, Marlene and Mary._

_*Insert insult here*_

_L_

* * *

Lily

Honestly, I want you to drop it.

You should spend your time writing that transfiguration essay that I know you haven't even attempted to start yet. Or drawing or picking those flowers you like. Do anything but think about me and my feelings okay?

Busy body.

Lovingly yours

S

* * *

_Sirius…._

_You've told me to ignore your feelings. So I will. But I will listen to mine. And I feel like helping, or harassing depending on your point of view, a friend in need. So I'm going to._

_How did you know all that stuff about me by the way? A little bit scared right now._

_Stalker boy_

_Love_

_L_

* * *

Lily,

I live with James, you can't NOT know these things.

You are **so** good at twisting my words. PUT IT TO BETTER USE!

Stubborn hag

S

* * *

_S_

_Hag?! Cheeky arsehole._

_Hang on, Mary and Marlene were sitting next to each other at the match._

_Hmmmm…._

_Evasive man whore_

_All my love_

_Lily_

* * *

You can't seriously still be going on about that can you?!

You like a woodpecker, you just keep pecking away.

And I can't be a manwhore, they don't pay me. Bloody injustice really.

Love for the woodpacker girl

S

* * *

_S_

_Yes, I am still going on about that._

_You dog_

_Love_

_L_

* * *

L

Why thank you!

Dogs are great aren't they? Loyal, playful, strong….

S

* * *

_S_

_Stop changing the subject!_

_Mary and Marlene were sitting next to each other. It really wasn't Marlene you were ogling was it? It was MARY._

_You fancy Mary?_

_Since when?!_

_Love_

_L_

* * *

The end of sixth year, happy now?

* * *

**A/N: Oooh.. I thought it was time for a twist. So here it is. You may have noticed from the top that from now on, I've decided to dedicate a chapter to a reviewer. A little extra incentive to talk to me? :P Thanks for all the feed back so far everybody!**


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